I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
