She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
