the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
i think im in europe. pls send help
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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