R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
