I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
