I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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