Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
