the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
