Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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