I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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