I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Come see our sink grown plant.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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