i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
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He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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