you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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