I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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