i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
