There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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