Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
