I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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