Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
