A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Two words: blizzard sex
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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