I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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