Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
