they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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