There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
