ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Enjoy the penises
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
