the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
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I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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