this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize