Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
