Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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