Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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