Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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