john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
not ubering you a puppy
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
