If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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