The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
