how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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