who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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