That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
