I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
