just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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