I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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