Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
