Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
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Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
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Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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