one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
