i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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