I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
