Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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