I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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