I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
