You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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