Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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