i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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