why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
