if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
