he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
