Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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