how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
