bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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