Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I think my nap took me to another dimension
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
