apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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