I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
