Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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