I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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