this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
