Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
