I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
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this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
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This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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