Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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