so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
If I die, sorry about rent.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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