Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
