Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
