She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
