that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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