There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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