I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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