Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
