so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
