so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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