Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
