Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He? As in you personified your dick?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
This can only be settled by a dance off.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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