Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
PANTIES FOUND
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
